Haunt Me

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I know it has been a while since I have posted anything or written anything, and I know I can blame it on being busy or not having time, or any number of other excuses – but the truth is, I lost focus. I lost focus of connecting to myself, connecting to my lifeline. Writing helps me express just what is going on in my life and how it is affecting my relationship with my Lord.

As I sit here, I am reminded of everything that has happened in the last almost 2 years, I met my forever wife, we got married, started this amazing life together and now we have a 3 month old son! I cannot believe how much I have been blessed these past two years. After going through what seemed like hell, I can tell you that there is hope, there is life, and there is joy on the other side. You just have to never give up.

I want to get to the main reason for this post though. On the way to work this morning, I heard a song I have heard many time before and I knew I liked it, but it hit me differently this morning. The song is Ghost Story by My Epic. It is a song about human nature. About fear and longing, hope and light. I cannot express how much this song relates to me. That when I sing it, I sing it as if I wrote it myself and about how I need to always let Him haunt me.

Wake
You’re haunting me again
There you stand every time
So alive it’s scaring me to death

Wave
You’re beckoning me in
To the places between all the dreams
And nightmares in my head

Seeds will never bloom ’til they die
Wicks don’t shine until they’re on fire
And every newborn leaves a scar to remind

If it costs me nothing
Is it worth anything?
I hear you calling but my God I am scared
Still if you lead me I will follow you there

Grace
We talk as though it’s free
But who can measure the cost of your Son
Or put a price upon your grief?
So it’s a gift but it’s not cheap

Seeds will never bloom ’til they die
Wicks don’t shine until they’re on fire
And every newborn leaves a scar to remind

If it costs me nothing
Is it worth anything?
And if your glory follows after the cross
Then God so help me I will carry it on

The doubts still whisper inside my gut
“Count the cost” but I added it up
And it keeps haunting me
Haunting me
Because I’ve dreamt the faces of hopeless men
(Holy Ghost)
I’ve seen the truth of what’s at risk
(Keep haunting)
And I cannot stop thinking of the sounds in hell
(Holy Ghost)
So let them grow louder and louder
(Keep haunting)
‘Til I don’t fear anything else
Keep haunting me

If it costs me nothing
Is it worth anything?
I hear you calling but my God I am scared
Still if you lead me I will follow you there

If it takes everything
And I’m left with nothing
I know your glory follows after the cross
Then God so help me I will carry it on
Carry it on
Carry it on

I hear you calling but God I am scared
(Holy Ghost)
If you lead me I will follow you there
(Keep haunting me)
I hear you calling but God I am scared
(Holy Ghost)
I hear you calling
Keep haunting

If that doesn’t slap you in the face, I don’t know what will. How many times in our life do we look for the easy things. The things that come free, that are great, but ultimately don’t cost us anything. Are they really worth it? Do we view our Christianity this way? God did everything for us, it technically didn’t cost us anything, and if we truly believe it doesn’t cost anything, how much do we actually value it?

The truth is, it is free. God loved us so much, He gave His Son for us, that we could live [1]. This gift is something we didn’t deserve and we can never repay, but it also comes at a cost to us. That cost is to live a life that honors and glorifies Him. To do so, you may not be popular, you may feel alone at  times, you may feel like this life is foreign to you. Well, guess what, it is. As a son or daughter of God, we were never meant to live this life in this “world”. We were meant to spend to eternity at the feet of Jesus basking in His presence and declaring His name.

So from this day forward, I will ask the Spirt daily to HAUNT ME. To remind me that God is calling me. That I am not bound to this world and I will follow wherever He leads. I encourage you to do the same!


[1] John 3:16
If you would like to talk or to just have someone listen, please leave a comment and I will be in touch. This life is too rough to go through alone, if not me, then find someone. 
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